Running with Depression

As if exercise wasn't hard enough to do or fit into your 'busy' diary, you somehow have to find some inner strength to not only put on some workout clothes but to actually go out and work up a sweat. Quite frankly this has not happened for me.

Where is that inner strength? Where has the passion for fitness gone? ...it's simple, my dog ate it.

I have a black dog and its name is depression. It follows me everywhere and consumes every part of my life. Learning to live with a black dog is difficult. Learning to control your black dog is even harder. Things I used to like, love and enjoy are simply a long cardiac arrest of doing nothing. You just lay there. Motionless. Emotionless.

I keep waiting for the moment the light bulb will come on, the moment you get slapped in the face with reality, the moment you stick up two fingers at your black dog and say I'm going to do what I want.

....but it doesn't come.

My friends do their best with their researched 'things to say (and not) to someone who has depression' but at the end of the day, their lack of understanding my exact position is my ammunition to keep them at arms length.

But something has changed. A change that was bound to happen and a change that only I can change its course. My body has inevitably changed shape due to my lack of exercise. The point has come where I don't like how my body has become. I miss my athletic toning. I miss my physical strength. I miss my endurance. It's time to get it back. It's time to be in charge again.

I've signed up for a half marathon later in the year. In a few months actually. My friends are surprised. 'Why not a 5k or a 10k?' 'You don't make things easy on yourself'. I'm not surprised of their initial lack of support. They know how their 'fitness freak' friend has become the anti-workout one. The fact of the matter is this. I don't see a half marathon as a big deal. No matter what race I signed up for it would still require the same from me; commitment, desire, sticking to a schedule. I don't know if I'm going to run the whole 13.1 miles but I will complete it. The added bonus of this race. It's in a place where I have a great friend. A super added bonus is my great friend has an equally great other half I consider a friend too. So not only will I get to do a race, get another medal for my bedroom post, but also see two friends (of whom I don't see much of due to geography).

13.1 is my number and I'm gunning for it.

Man Eater !!

Here is an exercise routine if you feel adventurous :-)

20 chin ups
30 sit ups
40 push ups
50 squats

5 sets.
1 minute rest between sets.
No rest between reps.

For the animal in you :-)

Photo: my cat. all rights retained

Silver Race

Ready, set.... go !!! Amongst thousands of runners, back in March we ran our socks off round Silverstone race circuit in what for many of us was our preparation for London marathon.

This race is iconic to me. From a little girl spending my Sunday afternoon's with my dad watching Formula 1, the British race has always stood out to me. It's home. Plenty of legends have been here. I'm running where millions of people watch this circuit in their own front rooms. This race wasn't much of a pre race for London marathon. It was a chance to be part of history. To look at the incredible new stand. It was purely breath taking.

I approached this race with not much training. I didn't bank as many miles as I wished but still got to double figures before reaching the start line. My goal here wasn't to run myself ragged and pursue a fast time. It was merely to get round, to soak up the atmosphere and most importantly, to have fun. And to get to the start line of the London marathon in one piece!

This race was important to me. Forget the history, forget next month it was London next and double the distance. This was the first race (of great distance) that my little sisters had come to support me. I will never this day. They caught me by surprise on the home straight and said, 'Kim we have been waiting for over an hour!' I apologised whilst trying to hold as much composure as I could. My sisters' were not finished. 'Kim, we saw fat people finish before you, you're faster than them yet they beat you.' Kids really do say the funniest things! They learnt a valuable lesson this day. Runners who take part in races are not always slim, fast aka what you see on tv. Participants of races are of all running abilities, of all shapes and sizes. The main thing, we are all in it to enjoy ourselves, to encourage the stranger beside you to keep going, to take those steps that you can achieve something if you really want it hard enough.

This race is highly recommended. Great track, highly organised, amazing support and the weather was a nice bonus!

Here are some more photo from the day.